Brandon slips out of his bed, stopping for a moment when I tell him to go back. He walks a few more steps, watching me the whole way, before climbing into his brother's bed. The normal chatter of reading before nap time becomes furtive whispers, their books pulled close the their faces, casting the occassional glance in my direction to find out how long I'll let this go on.
I struggle to hold back the smile, trying to watch them sternly, but they know.
Peyton takes his book and walks across the room. "Your bed, Gugga," he tells his brother. In a flurry of blankets, books, and cups, they move to Brandon's bed where they "read" to each other and pretend to snore, jabbering and giggling in a language that is only half intelligible to anyone but them.
*******
When I was pregnant, I read an article about how bonding with twins is different than bonding with a single child. Twins are aware of each other from the moment they can become aware. They are never alone. Their first relationships are not with their parents--their first relationship is with each other. As a result, there is an element of the bond that normally exists between parent and child that is transferred to the twin. They are, forever, the first constant in each other's life.
It is easy to forget that Peyton and Brandon are twins. They have always looked different. They rarely want the same thing. People no longer ask if they are twins. Peyton is significantly larger than Brandon, so now people question how far apart they are. Brandon favors my husband; Peyton, me. They are far more different than they have ever been alike.
Then there are moments when there is no question of the bond they formed long before they knew any of us. We are all secondary witnesses to their world; welcome guests, but guests who will never understand the inside jokes or secret glances.
It is hard to accept that there is a part of your child's life you will never understand. But not understanding is made easier by the knowledge that they will always have someone who does. Someone who was there for them nine months before you were.
*******
They are asleep upstairs now. Each in his own bed--Brandon snuggled on his tummy with his head on his pillow, Peyton splayed on his back with his head at the foot of the bed. There they sleep, as different as can be. So much a part of each other.



